In honor of Girl Scout cookie month, I set out to learn about this time-honored tradition. Personally, I have mixed feelings about GS cookies. On the one hand, they are AWESOME and yummy, and the money goes toward a good cause. And on the other…..well, they are addictive, over-priced, evil little boxes of mint-flavored crack. Sometime shortly after the holiday feasting has worn off and the resolutions about healthy eating have been thrown out the window, I find myself starting to fantasize about Thin Mints, “Do-Si-Dos”, “Thanks a Lot” and whatever other cutsie names they come up with that year. I know that within a few short weeks, an adorable little doe-eyed girl will show up at my door, or a nice Grandma at work will start passing around the order sheet. Of course once that happens you are OBLIGED to buy the cookies or you might be perceived as a Satanic, child-hating, anti-girl-self-esteem, Nazi-loving, cheapskate. So as I sit here eating more than a few too many cookies, here are a few facts about the
drug-dealers Girl Scouts, their meth labs, cookie factories and their rap sheet history.
Girl Scout cookies were first sold in the 20’s, when GS founder Juliette Gordon Low thought up the idea as a fundraiser. For the first 20 years or so, GS troops actually baked their own cookies and sold them in their communities. So it really did start off as a bake sale.
Thin Mints are the top-selling GS cookie at 25% of the total. DUH!….that shouldn’t really count as a new fact – if you couldn’t guess that one you don’t deserve your cookie badge.
For every box of cookies you buy (at approximately $50 for 10 cookies), 2/3 of your purchase goes to keep that sweet adorable girl on your doorstep off the street corner (at least that was my interpretation of that particular statistic).
All of the cookies are cholesterol free, have 0 trans fats, no artificial preservatives and are certified Kosher! So they are HEALTHY, good-for-you, REALLY! And none of that, “Sorry, I’m Jewish” crap….you are just as screwed as us Gentiles.
As of 2005, 72% of women in the US Senate and 67% in the US House are Girl Scout Alums.
In 1942 Girl Scouts sold calendars rather than cookies, due to the shortages caused by World War II. Interesting however that the war didn’t end until 1945 so they obviously decided that doing without the cookies was just too big a sacrifice for anyone to make. In fact, I think access to Girl Scout cookies is included as a basic human right in the Geneva Convention.
Lest you think I’m kidding about how seriously some of us take our cookies, I offer this recent news story as evidence:
I would also like to point out this unfortunate incident comes to us from the hometown of my friend Alto2, and doesn’t ever name the alleged victim. Personally I’m taking Hersha’s side….you mess with MY Thin Mints and I’m not responsible for my actions either. But don’t worry, Alto2, if you did eat the Thin Mints, we completely understand and are there for you. An August Moms contingent is on the way for an intervention – just hope you got an extra box.